La meilleure Chance La prochaine fois Homme de Sou
by RoyalTearDrop
Summary: We all remember how Selene pulled the cuffs out on Michael, but what if he had had a pair of his own up his sleeve? My first humor fic ever, rating for language. Please review!


Ah yes, a new, one shot fic. I'm still working on my other story, but I'm taking it a short break from it to post this. This is a bit of an alternate scene, but I hope it comes across as humor, with a bit of romance; for once no heart wrenching scenes from moi. I hope you all enjoy, and although I won't be continuing this, reviews are very much appreciated. Oh and this plot idea was based off of an RP; role play, I did with a friend of mine, whom for the moment we'll call Mouse Man. :) Enjoy.  
  
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The sharp clicking of Selene's narrow toed boots went off much like the tune to Who Wants To Be A Millionaire in Michael's head. Kinda cute and kinda funny at first, but now it was just pissing him off.  
  
He didn't like having her rush him around, snapping at him constantly, putting him down. He didn't like the way she rolled her eyes whenever he made a comment, and he certainly didn't like the way she acted as though he was constantly inferior. He had no idea what he had done to make her act so god damn bitchy, and he certainly wasn't in the mood to settle down and have a nice, sweet conversation with her.  
  
Why wasn't he in the mood to dawdle around with her, perhaps even drop by the store and get the pair of them a nice cream pastry?  
  
Because she had just hand cuffed him to a fucking bed.  
  
Bitch.  
  
And there she was, just pacing back and forth across the floor, those goddamn boots clicking and clicking... It was getting to the point where Michael found himself thinking back to that play he had had to perform back when he was a Senior in High School, Tell Tale Heart, by Edgar Allan Poe. The beating of the old man's heart drove the main character to madness, and who was to really say that the clicking of her boots couldn't do the same?  
  
He watched as she paused to part the blinds and peer suspiciously out of the window, her dark eyes flickering back and forth across the outside. He saw how nicely the tight leather spandex outfit binded her beautifully curved figure, saw how nice the smoothness of her ivory skin blended against the soft raven coloring of her short, choppy locks. In any other situation, he would have been thrilled to have a woman like this handcuff him to a bed; or anything really. What was it that really made him not like this scenario?  
  
Perhaps it was the gun or maybe, just maybe it was her new nickname for him.  
  
Mouse man.  
  
Where in the hell she had drawn it upon herself to call him Mouse Man, he had no idea. But none the less, she seemed to get silent pleasure from saying it, he noticed that cute little way that every time she said it, the corners of her perfectly shaped mouth turned up just the slightest bit more. She was actually rather more attractive when she smiled, not that he had ever actually seen her grin...  
  
Sighing loudly, he shrugged his shoulders and shook the surpringly heavy silver cuffs that bound him to the arm of the bed, hoping that the loud jingle coming from it would make Serene turn around, just so she could see the look of detest on his face, maybe even to guilt her a bit. No such luck.  
  
Mind you, she did turn around, but she didn't exactly have empathy written all over her face, and the least from it was sympathy. She in turn gave him a sigh of irritation, and took a few steps away from the window, and stood just to the right of him, her gaze falling just below his left eye.  
  
Trying to hide his disappointment in the outcome of Plan A, Michael chewed down on his bottom lip a bit, and crossed his legs, trying to ignore the stubborn look of cockiness scrawled across her face.  
  
"You know you don't have to just stare at me like that! The least you can goddamn do is uncuff me! I'm not your slave you know." His words were filled with an almost humorous resentment, and it reminded Selene a bit of how her late nieces had acted when one got something and the other was punished. Bitter, spoiled, and childishly temperamental.  
  
Selene resisted the urge to smile easily, although she couldn't keep a tone of subtle taunting out of her voice. "You're acting like a child.." She paused, and then allowed herself just the smallest extra note of satisfaction in her voice as she continued. "Actually, I was thinking that this would be a good time to discuss our relationship... Mainly how you've got to start showing me a tad bit more of respect, before I can continue to.. Assist you anymore."  
  
"ASSIST ME? ALL YOU DO IS PUT ME DOWN, MAKE FUN OF ME, AND HANDCUFF ME TO JACK SHIT PIECES OF FURNITURE!" Straining his arms against the will of the cuffs, Michael's eyes shone with a furious glint, and she saw with another speck of self humor that as much as he strained against the cuffs, he had no chances of breaking them.  
  
"Look," she said, her voice suddenly stiffer, more serious. "You will change, and you will feed, that's inevitable. Come to face it or not, I don't care, but I'm leaving you here until the change occurs, and then ends and you return back to normal." With this, she grabbed a gun from her belt, and tossed it onto the table next to him.  
  
"There should be enough bullets in there, not enough to kill you but enough to stop the effects of the change from becoming too severe. I'll be back when I think it's time, until then, you'll have the silence to comfort you."  
  
With that, she turned and began to walk back across the room to the door, when a slightly panicked Michael shouted out, "Wait! Come here.. I have to ask you something."  
  
Taking her hand back from its place on the doorknob, she turned back to him, a few pieces of her hair flipping into her face. "What? I told you what you need to know."  
  
Hesitating for only a minute, Michael said quickly, "Just come here, I need to tell you something, it's important."  
  
Not budging an inch from where she was standing, Selene tucked her hair behind her ear and said, "Just tell me now, or else I'm going."  
  
"Fine! You want it that it that way, FINE!"  
  
"Oh yes, I'm just dripping with fear." Was the sarcastic reply that Michael got in return, and with a falling expression he saw her turn straight on her heel, and walk out the door, shutting it curtly behind her.  
  
Pausing outside the door, Selene heard a steady silence, and figured that, as she had suspected, he had just been blowing off steam. She began to walk quickly back down the stairs when she heard a sound that drew her to the thin line between hysterical laughter and becoming completely and totally rabid.  
  
Let's just say she was a bit closer to the rabid side.  
  
"BOOP-DEEE-DA-DOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH HOW I LOVE YOUUUUUU BOOP DE DA BOOOOO OH DARLING I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU"  
  
Whirling around, Selene's eyes grew large and she bounded back towards the door, throwing it open and stumbling angrily inside.  
  
"WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Her voice over powered the near screams of Michael's "singing" and she stood beside him, staring at him with a look of utter disbelief splattered across her face.  
  
Swinging his legs from his spot on the bed, Michael just smiled cheekily and said, "You said to just enjoy my time in the silence, so I decided to brighten it up a bit by singing."  
  
Staring at him with a slightly opened mouth, Selene just stood there for a minute, literally stunned. Blinking and shaking her head, she finally just continued to stare at him till he said, "although, if you'd only come here so I could talk to you, I'd stop my lovely singing."  
  
Seeing her reluctant pause, Michael smiled to himself and said, "Or of course, I could start singing some Good Charlotte." And with a twisted smile he began to bellow out, "GIRLS DON'T LIKE BOY GIRLS LIKE -"  
  
"STOP! DEAR GOD JUST STOP! I'LL COME OVER THERE, FOR SHIT'S SAKE!" Stomping her way over to his side, she stood there with one hand on her hip, and the other on the side of the bedpost, just staring at him with such incredulity that he had to resist the urge to laugh. Little did she know that this would be her downfall.  
  
"Selene dear, look up."  
  
Glancing her face upwards, Selene saw nothing but the vast emptiness of the off white ceiling, but before her eyes had time to return back down to his, she heard a small click, and felt something metal rub against her wrist.  
  
Looking back down, she let out a small gasp of irritation and shock, before looking back up into his eyes, and kicking him square in the chin.  
  
"TAKE THIS OFF RIGHT NOW! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET ANOTHER SET OF HANDCUFFS?" Her voice was even louder now than it was before, it literally bounced off of the walls of the room, but it failed to faze Michael in the least bit. In fact, it actually made him smile.  
  
Smile.  
  
Her utter irritation and anger was so near bubbling over the edge, Selene paused to take one final deep breath before saying to him coolly, "If you don't let me out of these right now..." She paused then and although she squared her eyes and didn't rivet her glare, he smiled audaciously and said, "And then? You'll do what? Absolutely positively nothing." And with that, he laid back on the bed, and promptly began to sing again, this time taking the time to quote the latest of Britney Spears, "Toxic."  
  
"WITH MY TOXIC TOUNGE SLIPPING UNDER" he belted out the lyrics like no other, even taking it upon himself to fling his legs up in the air, narrowly avoiding knocking Selene square in the forehead.  
  
"UGH! Infernal ape! My god, will you just stop it? Uncuff me, and I'll fucking uncuff you, alright?" Her voice was snappy, and glancing up into her eyes, Michael could see beneath the layer of irritation and infuryment, that she knew he had won.  
  
He had won.  
  
Oh, had he won.  
  
Sitting back up in his upright position, he said easily to her, "But you see, I can't do that. You have to undue my cuffs first, because I flung the key to yours on the other side of the room. And I know you have the key to mine in your pocket, so just make it easier on the both of us, and undue my cuffs, then I can undue yours and we'll both be happy."  
  
Merely staring at him, Selene hesitated, wondering if this was a trap or not. Michael looked innocent enough about it, but then again, so did everyone else in the world. She watched as he lightly tapped his fingers against the side of the bed, and smiled warmly at her, and was shocked to see that he even gave her a little wink, before leaning forward to bop her on the nose.  
  
"Don't touch me." She snapped at him, before throwing the key at him. "There. Happy? Now go get mine, please."  
  
She watched as he undid his, and then slipped the key into his back pocket. Walking across the room, he bent down to pick up a small metallic object and held it up in the light for her to see, smiling all of the while.  
  
"Oh you mean this?" he said, his voice dripping with sweetness. As she nodded and rolled her eyes, he "accidently" tossed the key across the room, where it then bounced off of the wall and into a trash dispenser, and much to the horror of Selene, was lost forever.  
  
"MICHAEL WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET OUT OF THIS?"  
  
Continuing to smile, Michael strolled back and forth in front of her, his hands clasped neatly behind his back. "Well Selene, I was hoping we could talk a bit about how you treat me, you know respect and such.."  
  
Dropping her mouth open a bit, Selene stared at him and said slowly, "...You're not serious."  
  
Nodding his head and smiling, Michael grinned and said, "Oh but I am."  
  
"Michael, this is ridiculous! I was simply trying to help you, to protect you for your own good! You're just doing this to.. to.. TO BE AN ASS!" With every word that she spoke, her voice grew louder and louder, till she was near shrieking her last phrase.  
  
Michael seemed untouched by this, and continued to grin cheekily as he said, "Oh but Selene! You don't seem to understand, you're the one stuck to the inanimate object this time, not me." He then continued on to stroll across the room, and sit himself in a small plastic chair, and gave her a grin and a little wave from where he was perched.  
  
Sighing heavily, Selene stomped her foot and gave him one her of best If- you-don't-do-what-I-say-I'll-cut-off-your-dick looks, and crossed her one free arm across her chest. "Michael.." Her voice started out definatley, and then she paused and just stared at him.  
  
"Yes Selene?" Standing up, he sauntered over to her, standing at a wee few short feet away.  
  
"Michael, will you please just figure out a way to let me go? Please." Through the thick tension of her voice, Michael could of sworn he heard a bit of a needing, a bit of a child like attachment.  
  
"Well........" His voice dragged off, and his eyes flickered between her and the far wall, and he saw from the corner of his eye just how desperate she suddenly looked, how tiny she seemed. Walking lightly back over to where she was standing, he looked down into her face.  
  
Her bold dark eyes glared out at him from a midsts her ivory skin, like two grand pools of darkness in a sea of light. Her face was set with such an infaniant defiancy most others would of laughed right in her face, seeing as she looked so upset over hand cuffs. But not Michael, instead he merely looked her up and down before sighing, and slouching his shoulders a bit.  
  
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the key and held out in front of her face. "Here, you see? You happy now? Here's the key." Seeing the disbelief in her face he said quickly, "I didn't throw the key earlier, that was a nickel."  
  
Rolling her eyes she sighed and sighed, "Michael I don't care what the other thing was, for God's sake! Just undue the fucking cuffs!"  
  
Pausing, Michael smiled again, and then held the key inches from her nose. "I'll undue the cuffs.. If you give me a wittle kissy."  
  
"You're shitting me."  
  
"And yet I'm not."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Well why not? You want to be free don't you?"  
  
"MICHAEL UNDUE THE FUCKING CUFFS!"  
  
Leaning his face back, he grinned again and said, "My my, tempermental aren't we? Just one wittle speck and I'll take em off, promise on my word."  
  
Sighing she spat out, "Oh and I'm sure that's worth a hell of a lot. Why do you want the fucking kiss so badly?"  
  
Shrugging, Michael said, "I just do. And you want to get out, so it's time you started your end of the deal."  
  
Grinning he gently bopped her on the nose again, and shut his eyes, leaning in for the kiss. Pausing, Selene took in a deep breath, before suddenly lifting her right knee up and hitting him square in the groin, and as he procedded to groan and fall backwards, Selene grabbed the key with her free hand, and undid the cuffs.  
  
Smiling as he rolled across the ground, Selene winked down at him and in a mimick of his voice said, "Perhaps next time you get me in hand cuffs you'll have a better a chance, Mouse Man?"  
  
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Well there you have it. My first ever humor fanfition. If you like it or have any comment on it, please review. If you hated it, then eh I suck. Oh and I don't own Underworld or any music, label, etc that was mentioned in this. 


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